Commentary: Am I halfway done or…
By Zainab Susi
Am I halfway done or do I still have half of my life to live? It all depends on how we look at it, our perspective, right? I just celebrated my birthday. Where did time go by? I can close my eyes and see my entire life run by like a movie in less than a minute.
On my birthday lots of people celebrated with me and sent me birthday wishes from near and far. I really appreciate all of them. I feel extremely blessed to know that there are lots of people who love and care about me and they are there with me through thick and thin. That made me realize that I have lived a good half of my life!
The first half of my life was slightly different from many other people. I didn’t have a choice in any areas in my life but had to accept whatever life had thrown at me. At an early age I learned to accept rather than resist. I took it as I have chosen it and I have no regrets at all. But from time to time we all take a pause and look around and ask ourselves, ‘how did I end up here?’
I have heard people say that life starts around 50. That sure started happening to me. I got so burned out by pleasing everyone early in my life, being nice and giving. At some point when I couldn’t take it anymore I surrendered myself. I quit pleasing everyone. It was time for me to take care of myself and survive. The less I was producing the more I was finding myself and getting comfortable under my own skin. Every single morning as soon as I open my eyes the very first thing I say is gratitude. I am extremely grateful about being alive and thankful for what I have. It’s an extremely powerful tool. The more grateful you are, the more you receive. Many years later, I still practice this every morning.
At the age of 49, I had a hysterectomy. That surgery freed me in many ways. I felt like my body was controlling me for a very long time. I started living in the “power of now”. When someone complains to me, instead of becoming defensive, I give that person my full attention. I don’t listen with just my ears but with my whole body. By doing that, I have noticed that people feel more comfortable and open in a conversation. Eckhart Tolle said, “Anytime you have hurt feelings it is always your ego”. It’s very easy to blame others but we hurt ourselves too.
As many of you know, I was a single parent for a long time. I didn’t realize many years later that the title of “single parent” became my identity. When we take all the layers off, degrees, marital status, job title, age, looks, body shape, race, financial status, and skills, who are we really? None of that is our identity, those are titles. None of that matters. What matters is how we look at ourselves and how we treat each other. That’s what people remember, not our titles or what we ate that day. Slowly but surely, I started taking care of my mind, body and soul. Today I feel healthier than ever.
Last year I started teaching a workout and taekwondo class. I have no doubt that my very respectful students are making me an even better person. I can proudly say that Taekwondo sure saved me. If I didn’t have the mind, body, and soul awareness and discipline it taught me, I wouldn’t know how to survive.
Last year, Parkland College asked me to teach a workout and Taekwondo class. Many years ago, when I was at Parkland as a student, it was my wish that someday I would love to teach here. Dreams do come true but sometimes we have to wait for the right time.
Two months ago, I got a call from a wonderful lady who I just met at the gym. She asked me if I could train her for the upcoming Christie Clinic ½ marathon. She must have noticed something in me.
Recently, someone paid me a compliment without knowing anything about my personal life and said, “Aren’t you living a dream life”? At first I smiled and then later when I thought about it I remembered that Yes, I am living a dream life. This is it. I Have Arrived!
I am aware that our upbringing, culture, religion and environment play a huge role in how we turn out. But when we know better we do better. We have to like, love and respect our own happiness. Nobody, I mean nobody, can make us happy if we aren’t already happy with ourselves. I try my best to start everything from inside out instead of outside in. I don’t have material things to offer but I feel priceless. What I have money can’t buy like love and respect. I am a rich woman.
At this point in my life I don’t get easily stressed and get fearful about anything anymore but look at it as “This too shall pass”. Our attitude plays a huge role in life.
Who knows how long I will live but whatever life is ahead of me I hope that what I have learned I will apply and have an even better future. I am excited about the unknowns and looking forward to having whatever life throws at me. I will handle it with wisdom and the right way. Ameen.
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”- Eckhart Tolle
Life is beautiful!
