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Thanksgiving Sunday has just past, and as a pastor, I joined scores of other pastors across the country in challenging people to be thankful. I pleaded with them to rise above the rivalry, division, animosity, and antagonism by becoming a people best known for our thankfulness. I also made an impassioned plea to resist the temptation of being self-focused and self-indulgent during this season.

Even as I type this I am bothered, but why?

As I reflect on my Thanksgiving message, taking an honest inventory of my own heart, I begin to see that I myself have missed a critical element of being thankful. I am not saying I am not thankful, but often my thankfulness is mostly centered around being thankful for things in my life. For instance my house, my finances, the fact that my car runs, that my kids are healthy and that I have things I desire.

And while there’s nothing at all wrong with being thankful for these things, I thought more about it. I began to see how that kind of thankfulness made me the focus of my thankfulness, and totally missed one of the greatest things we all can be thankful for; the people around us. I guess the impassioned plea to resist the temptation of self-focus and self-indulgence fell on deaf ears, mine.

As I thought about this more and more I began to see that yes, we can thank God for the things in our lives, but we should remember to be infinitely more thankful for the people God has placed in our lives.

Now when I say that, I don’t just mean the people you like being around,  you know, ones who are easy to be thankful for. I also mean the people who aren’t always easy to be around, and yet God placed them in our lives. I wonder if that is why we tend to make thankfulness more about us rather than others. It is us trying to control the mess. And yet, while sharing life with others can be quite messy, just think about how empty, meaningless, and frankly boring our lives would be without them.

In Old Testament Scripture the word for giving thanks is tied to, “acknowledging what is right about God, and what He has provided.” In the New Testament, the word is connected to “giving praise as a response to God’s grace, His unmerited favor.” Like the Old Testament, the New Testament acknowledges God’s provision, but it goes much deeper because of God’s grace, His provision of Jesus Christ, went right to the heart of the matter.

In the New Testament we are not just those who are called to respond to God’s grace by giving thanks to Him, but also to respond by living out that grace and offering it to others; by thanks giving.

Peter wrote these very things in his second letter to the church in Rome, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 3:18) Notice that it does not say we are to grow from grace or to grow beyond grace. We’re told to grow in grace, and as we grow in it we extend it out more and more.

So often we think the grace of God is about us, but the grace of God goes far beyond that. If we limit what grace is all about to us, we have a terribly sad misunderstanding of the grace of God.

Grace is about bearing fruit.

Grace is about abounding in good works.

Grace is about acknowledging and extending your thankfulness

Interestingly, my more liturgical friends will recognize the connection of the word “thanks” and the Latin word “Eucharist,” which is one name for the practice of Communion. Communion is the practice of acknowledging God’s grace, which was instituted in the upper room at the Last Supper.

Luke chapter 22 verse 19 says that Jesus took bread, and when He had given thanks (a response to God’s grace), He broke it and gave it to his friends, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” What I love about this moment is that those gathered around Jesus were about as messy as they come.

Peter tended to be a bit of a loose cannon and often needed correction. James and John were nicknamed the “Sons of Thunder,” which is thought to come from the fact that they both had stormy personalities. John was the disciple whom Jesus loved. Phillip was known for introducing his friend Nathanael Bartholomew to Jesus. Thomas struggled with doubt, and Matthew had a checkered past as a tax collector. Then there was James, Thaddeus, Andrew, Simon, and just when you thought, well that’s not so bad, we have Judas the one who would betray Jesus.

Jesus’ friends were a messy bunch, not unlike the people we have in our own lives, and yet Jesus broke the bread and gave thanks.

The table itself was set by grace.

That act of gathering together was grace.

Jesus, who is the living embodiment of God’s grace, was seated somewhere near the center. Which tells us something about where we ought to position grace among others.

Jesus acknowledged grace by giving thanks, and He extended grace to this messy group of people by washing their feet and serving them.

Jesus gave thanks as a response to God’s grace, and He extended that same grace to that messy group of people gathered around Him, acknowledging that God put them in His life.

The odds are good that you are surrounded by the same kinds of folks.

The inlaws, the outlaws and those who live on fringes of your patience and love. So my challenge to you is to set the table of grace, offer them a seat, and give thanks for them. Chances are you might discover that beauty abounds in the mess.

The post A Thanksgiving Message: Grow In Grace first appeared on SJO Daily.

The older I get, and the more I read the Bible, I see that the one thing God desires in us is humility. I wish I could have said that this is easy, but being humble is a challenge, especially because honestly, pride is a big part of living.

We oftentimes don’t think of pride as being a bad thing, because we think of it the same as confidence. But in the Bible pride and confidence are two very different things. Pride means we don’t like being wrong, love being right, and oftentimes it causes us to focus on the weaknesses of others, rather than revealing our own. This is why humility is so important.

C. S. Lewis once said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less”, and in that having a willingness to look at yourself honestly to love others fully.

Paul wrote to his protege’ Timothy, “I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus, our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” (1 Timothy 1:12-15)

Paul says that Jesus came to save sinners, and of those He came to save, Paul was (emphasis) the worst. It is a pretty powerful thing to say publicly, considering that Paul was by early church standards, very influential. So why does he tell Timothy (and us) this?

Because Paul believed in his heart that there is no one, including himself, was too far off to find God. And because he believed this there was nowhere that he wasn’t willing to go to bring that message of God’s grace, and no one that he wasn’t willing to share that message with.

In the church, there is a lot of conversation regarding “the sin of homosexuality”. I want to start with the phrase, “The sin of…” because I don’t like it very much, and it is not why you might think. It is not the word “sin” that makes me uncomfortable, but the word “of”.

The word “of” is used to connect two ideas: “sin” and “homosexuality”, but in doing so it tends to subtly move the focus away from us, and avoid a very important question: What “sin” has been committed toward those who are a part of that LGBTQI community by us?

I want to address this because as “the church” we need to humble ourselves to the fact that LGBTQI people have been sinned against. And it is time for us, the church to repent. Not every one of us is guilty, and not every church is guilty, but many have, and if we don’t admit and repent, then we deny that.

LGBTQI people have been mocked, shunned, abused (verbally if not physically), persecuted, dehumanized, and cast out of the camp like the lepers in Numbers 5. And yet many of the testimonies I have read from people who are LGBTQI contain the same plot as Numbers 5.

I testimony I was privy to hear said, “I was raised in church, but when I was honest about what I was struggling with I was treated like “I was only welcome outside the camp” When I was searching for Jesus, I felt like I was pushed to the margins by His followers and made to feel like less than. I didn’t find love in the church and therefore couldn’t find healing in the church – So I left the church.”

While they do exist, it isn’t as often that I read a testimony by LGBTQI individuals where they are overwhelmed by the love, acceptance, and grace of the church. And I find this interesting because it has been proven that it wasn’t the church’s stance on homosexuality that pushed them away from the church. In fact, recent statistics show that many LGBTQI individuals would rather attend a church that preaches what the Bible says, rather than a church that is simply affirming. What I hear over and over is that it was the lack of love in the church that drove them away.

In Jesus, we find our calling and our example.

“So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood. Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured.” (Hebrews 13:12-13) In Numbers 5 they are cast out of the camp, and in Hebrews, Christ comes to redeem those outside the camp by going to them.

One of the important things in seeing Jesus as our example is that we see clearly the ways that we have been irresponsible in applying God’s grace AND God’s truth. Every grace-filled Christian must enter into this discussion armed with the truth of what God’s Word says, AND a heart that’s eager to repent, where repentance is needed for the ways in which same-sex attracted people have been mistreated.

We must be eager to love as Christ loved. Without a compassionate heart that’s zealous to repent of our sin and reach out to love others, we are not the church.

So then we have to put away the desire to laugh at memes, crude jokes, even using God’s Word to condemn others. We have to acknowledge that there are far too many blogs with the name “Christian” that are graceless spaces whose message is that those who have sinned are outside the camp. If that is so then I wonder where Paul pitched his tent because by his own admission he is out, not in.

So in addressing sexuality as the church, we begin by acknowledging, confessing, and repenting from the sin the church has committed against same-sex attracted people. Then, and only then, can we start to study so that we can reach out in truth and love, and have conversations regarding what we believe, living as the church who bears the name of Jesus Christ.

So the church must begin as Paul did in writing to Timothy, looking inside ourselves first and repenting of our own sin, before trumpeting the sins of others. Repentance has to be a part of our lifestyle in Christ that begins with us, not just others.

This doesn’t mean we agree with sin. Jesus Himself certainly did not affirm everyone’s actions, and He never said sin was okay, but He also was adamant that sin was never a reason to withhold love. Jesus came to save sinners, all of us, and that should humble us, and position us to be a part of Christ’s work, “to seek and save the lost” (Matthew 18:11).

At the beginning of this article, I mentioned pride and confidence. I did so because I desperately want us to trade our pride for humility, and properly place our full confidence in Christ. It is only when we do that that we can address this like Jesus, with grace AND truth.

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14)

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In the summer of 2018, my family and I had the opportunity to attend a lecture at Answers in Genesis, given by Ken Hamm, its founding director. While I don’t agree with Ken Hamm on a number of topics and issues, the lecture he gave on race was thoughtful and challenging. So much so that much of what I am going to share in this article is from my memories of that lecture.

Racism is based on the idea that there are different human races, the “white race,” the “black race,” the “yellow race,” the “red race,” and so on. While it is generally assumed that people share similar characteristics, racism relies heavily on highlighting the inherent differences between people groups in an attempt to elevate one group over another in rights, privilege, and position in society.

The idea of racism has been around as long as different kinds of people groups have existed. The clearest example to give us some context comes from Hitler and the National Socialists Party (the Nazis), who promoted the idea that races were in competition with each other for superiority. Superiority being greater rights, privilege, and position.

The term race has not always been defined as it is today. Prior to the 1800’s most people referred to “race” as cultural groups such as the “English race,” the “Irish race,” etc. This view however changed in 1859 when Charles Darwin published his book, “On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection,” originally titled, “The Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life”.

According to Darwinian thinking, different races descended from different ancestors separated by location and over periods of time. Some were more superior than others, in which he presented the idea of “natural selection” being naturally selected for survival and dominance. This has been popularized as the survival of the fittest.

I want to be very clear that my desire is not to debate, or even denounce Darwin’s theory of evolution in this article, but instead to have us understand that it has negative consequences. Darwinian thinking has played a major role in promoting the idea that different people groups or “races” of people evolved at different times and rates, making one more superior than another.

As a result of Darwin’s theory of evolution and natural selection, people started thinking in terms of different people groups as representing different “races,” some selected to succeed over others. It might be helpful as I use the words success and superiority, that we think of the word “power” and “control” because that is what it is ultimately about.

Even today as I am writing this article a prominent Yale scientist, David Gelernter, publicly denounced Darwinian thinking as not only improbable scientifically, but statistically and ideologically “a dead loss.”

Interestingly, people who love to pit science and the Bible against one another may be surprised to find that there is far more agreement than disagreement.

In Genesis chapter one, God created man in His image, elevating by that action the worth value and status of each person made in His image, and all share a common ancestry. This is important because if God created us, He also created the great diversity that we experience among us.

In Acts 17:26, in the King James translation says that we are all “one blood,” one race, the human race. We are intrinsically bound together by not just a biological truth, but also a spiritual truth.

Jesus, in one of His few prayers recorded from John 17, prays to God that, “they (we) may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me” (John 17:21).

In fact, the Book of Revelation says that all the peoples of the earth, with all their differences, will gather as “a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands” (Revelation 7:9).

Armed with these two truths, science and the Bible, we cannot continue to perpetuate racist philosophies and ideologies to the success of one people group over others. Instead, we need to see others as we see ourselves and embrace that we are all one race; the human race.

No. Sadly, the answer is found in Darwin’s original published title, “The Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life.”

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We hear a lot about “fake news” these days, and I think we all would agree that fake news is, well, bad news. This is important to all of us, and especially for those of us who call ourselves Christians. Those who have a clear message of the “Good News” of Jesus Christ.

This is why Christians have to be careful in not offering “fake news” by editing the good news; leaving this out and trimming that off. We are called to be God’s messengers, not God’s editors. It reminds me of a classic hymn that has been sung for hundreds of years…

I love to tell the story, ’tis pleasant to repeat,
What seems each time I tell it more wonderfully sweet;
I love to tell the story, for some have never heard
The message of salvation from God’s own holy Word.

It is lovely, beautiful and we love to sing it. But imagine if the words we sing were mirrored the ways we sometimes act…

I love to tell some of the story, the parts that won’t offend,
Because instead of God I fear the opinions of men;
I love to tell some of the story, I hope you haven’t heard
Because I decided to change some of the 
difficult parts from God’s own holy Word.

Jonah is one of the many stories in the Bible where we tend to tell some of it, but not all of it, and in doing so we share “fake news” instead of the good news of God’s grace.

We often tell children about God calling Jonah, his running the other way, getting on a ship, being tossed overboard, and staying three days in the belly of a whale. Well, it isn’t really a whale, that’s fake news. The Hebrew of Jonah 2:1 actually reads “great fish” rather than “whale”, which would be “leviathan” in the original language.  Unfortunately, we rarely hear the 4th chapter, which is, well I hate to spoil the party, but the most important part of the story.

Let’s start at the beginning so we can better understand the ending.

Jonah 1:1-2 “Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me.”

The city of Ninevah was a great city, the capital of the Assyrian Empire. Historians say it was the largest city in the world at the time, an important capitol, and an intimidating place to go. So Jonah is being sent by God to his enemies, the Assyrians, with an invitation to receive His grace.

This is important because how does God defeat His enemies?

God does it by saving them, with grace. God called Jonah to go to a pagan city and call the people to be changed by the message of grace.

When God spoke to Jonah He told Him to do two things:

First, “go to Nineveh”, a scary place full of his enemies.

Second, “cry out against it”, that is to call them to repentance.

So, what did Jonah do? He ran the other way.

Now, before we are hard on old Jonah, how many times has God asked you to do something and you went the other direction? I am not just talking about going across the world on a mission trip, but instead across the room to repair a relationship. To seek restoration, to love and serve and to sit with others who are in desperate need of God’s grace – even if they are our enemies. Sometimes like Jonah, we go the opposite direction that grace calls us to go.

And he got on a boat and headed out to sea. I often wondered if he thought, “Well, God won’t find me out here”, forgetting that the God who seeks us is the one who made the earth and everything in it.

The Lord needed to get Jonah’s attention, so the Bible says He, “hurled a great wind upon the sea, and there was a mighty tempest on the sea so that the ship threatened to break up”. It created such a stir on the ship that the captain came to Jonah and cried out, ”Arise, call out to your god!”

Even in our running away from God He doesn’t waste a thing.

Jonah 1:16 says, “ Then the men feared the Lord exceedingly, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows.”

What? Jonah ran from God, and along the way, grace is changing lives. Nothing is wasted, even our running away. That doesn’t mean that your life ought to be marked by running away, but just know that God wastes nothing, and pursues you to offer you and others grace along the way.

Jonah 1:17 lAnd the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.”

What a great fish story. And that is how it is treated by so many.

I know this detail sounds crazy and offensive to our sensibilities, but you know what sounds crazier and more offensive than a great fish swallowing a man?

Grace that seeks and saves our enemies.

Grace that looks at every atrocity and still says, “come to me”.

I know this is true because when I look around I don’t see a whole lot of grace in the world. Jonah was offended and ran the other way and wound up in a great fish.

What kind of fish was this? It doesn’t matter does it.

The great fish was a great grace, used to bring Jonah back to God.

And God called again to Jonah, “Go to Ninevah”. This time Jonah did and something amazing, something only God’s grace could do happened.

Jonah 3:6-8 “The word reached the king of Nineveh, and he arose from his throne, removed his robe, covered himself with sackcloth, and sat in ashes.  And he issued a proclamation and published through Nineveh, ‘By the decree of the king and his nobles: Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste anything. Let them not feed or drink water, but let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and let them call out mightily to God.”

Wow! Grace took an enemy and made him a friend. This is amazing and something that we ought to find great joy in, but not Jonah. The Bible says, “But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry.” (Jonah 4:1)

Jonah is upset at what grace did. He wanted judgment for his enemies and instead, they got grace. How offensive is this to us? The salvation of the people of Nineveh is so painful to Jonah that he travels outside the city and sits on a hill, hoping that somehow God will still find Nineveh lacking, and destroy them after all.

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Author John Eldredge, in his book “The Sacred Romance”, shares the pain of not belonging: “Being left out is one of life’s most painful experiences. I remember the daily fourth-grade torture of waiting in line while the captains chose their teams for the kickball games. As each captain took turns choosing a player, descending from best to worst, our rank in fourth-grade society was reinforced. Though others fared worse than I — “Don’t make us take Smitty, we had him last time”—I was never the first to be chosen.” 

“No one ever said, “Wait—we get Eldredge this time!” I didn’t feel wanted; at best, I felt tolerated. And then there was junior high cafeteria. After buying lunch, you carried your tray out into the dining room, looking for a place to eat. There was an unspoken hierarchy that determined where you could sit. I walked over to table filled with the “cool” kids, but before I could sit down, one of them sneered, “Not here, Eldredge, we’re saving this for someone else.”

“On the other hand, there is great joy in having someone save a place for us. Where someone cares, waves us over, pointing to a chair they have held on to especially for us. It is powerful because, throughout our lives, each one of us lives with a constant nagging that we never quite fit in, we never truly belong. And it is so easy to give in and retreat. We’ve all had enough experience to teach us that we will never be allowed into the “sacred circle,” the place of intimacy…”

Every day I run into people that say, “we have arrived.” That this is the best time to live. Yet, as I look around there is a growing fear of being close to others, of being intimate and experiencing intimacy. We have never been farther from what is good and right for us.

There is an ever-growing fear of intimacy, both personally and as a culture, and it is affecting our relationship with God. This fear of intimacy is not often clearly defined, and can often be misinterpreted as anger, indifference, or coldness. Certainly, when we look at our culture we can see a fear of intimacy masquerading as anger, indifference, intolerance, and coldness to one another.

Those who have a fear of intimacy may experience:

Low self-esteem: We live in a culture that actually promotes a sense of “not good enough.

Trust issues: Every issue has a conspiracy theory and those who have a fear of intimacy may be highly suspect of the motives of even the most genuine and generous of individuals.

Episodes of anger: Have you noticed the sharp rise in “triggers,” commonly known as the things that lead to anger. It isn’t that there are more things to trigger our anger, but that we have more anger that needs avenues and outlets of expression.

Avoid physical contact with others: Studies have proven that physical intimacy is falling amongst all age brackets. Couples, against all advice, are spending far less time “together,” even when they are together.

Trouble forming or committing to close relationships

History of unstable relationships

Inability to share feelings or express emotion

Insatiable sexual desire: We see this in the rise to the epidemic of pornography. In 2019 pornography has become the number one online media platform.

Live in self-imposed isolation: We call this “social media”. A place of isolation where we are alone, together. No wonder so many who fear intimacy seek refuge in this place.

All these things point to and affirm the fact, that we have a growing fear of intimacy.

Dr. Hal Shorely, Ph.D., believes that part of our growing fear of intimacy is connected to attachment theory. This is the theory that children have a natural need to remain close enough to their parents in order to attain protection and comfort when frightened or distressed. How the parent responds in these instances has a major impact on a child’s ability to experience intimacy.

The parents of children who avoid, dismiss, marginalize or reject neediness or perceived weaknesses of their children, “Avoidance Parenting”, create a fear of intimacy in their children. In very subtle ways “avoidance parenting” uses shame as a means of control, by saying things like, “Come on, little boys don’t cry”, and in more obvious ways “avoidance parenting” it is very intolerant of children sharing they feel.

Other patterns that create a fear of intimacy are when parents are emotionally distant, or “Long Distance Parenting”. This removes the place where a child can express himself or herself. And without a place to express themselves as they are, through the experience of parental intimacy, they have an inability to understand intimacy themselves.

“Helicopter Parenting” can also create a fear of intimacy by being so intrusive and over-reactive to the child’s experiences that the child does not experience a natural place to communicate their neediness and weakness in the parent’s presence. In this case, rather than the parent regulating the child’s anxiety, the child is regulating the parent’s anxiety.

Lastly, parents that are detached from their parenting, “Absentee Parenting”, due to work, personal interests, recreation, or an unfortunate cultural trend that sees parenting as optional, creates a void for a child to express their neediness and weakness.

In each of these, the child learns to cope with their emotions by choosing not to experience them. They essentially say, “I am OK”, even when they are not. Because intimacy creates vulnerability, the response “I am OK” helps them avoid sharing their struggles and needs with others.

Why am I interested in this? Because as I have studied the growing trend of a fear of intimacy in our culture, the fear of sharing our needs and weakness with others, I have seen a direct correlation with our unwillingness to be intimate with God.

This leads me to the thought I have been wrestling. Our growing fear of intimacy is affecting our relationship with God because at the heart of our relationship with the Divine is intimacy. When we come into the presence of God we are unable to hide anything because He knows everything. Intimacy is inherent to every part of our relationship with God.

The greatest Biblical example of this comes just after the events that shattered the intimacy of our relationship. In Genesis 3:8, Adam and Eve have just eaten the forbidden fruit and it says, “And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.”

The first thing Adam did after declaring his independence from God, by sinning, was hide from His presence. Why? Because the presence of God is the place of true intimacy. We know this because earlier in the text it says that Adam and Eve, “were naked and without shame” (Genesis 2:25). There was nothing between Adam and Eve, and God that could not be exposed; it was a true place of intimacy, there was no shame in weakness or neediness.

So, in Genesis 3, the first thing to go is intimacy, and Adam and Eve hid for fear that their neediness and weakness would become evident in their folly. They also knew that when they heard the LORD coming, He would want to be with them as He always had, in a very natural, close, intimate way.

Genesis 3:9-10 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”

When the opportunity for intimacy comes they hide from God. Note that they don’t speak to God until there is a confrontation; until God speaks to them. This shows that Adam and Eve knew that their attempt to flee intimacy had failed. They knew their facade was completely inadequate, and that indeed we are fearful of being close to God.

Remember the traits of someone who fears intimacy? Adam and Eve had them. They had low self-esteem, they suddenly developed trust issues, and actively avoiding physical contact with the almighty. They no longer could commit to these close relationships, and they were unable, in a genuine way, to share their feelings or express their emotion. So they chose to live in self-imposed isolation by hiding in the shrubbery.

Yet, God calls out, “where are you?” (Genesis 3:9).

We can hide, but God desires intimacy with them, and with you, and He is not detoured from offering what His children deeply need. He does not want to simply know about you, friend you on social media, and follow your exploits from a distance. God is not willing to avoid us, be an absentee parent, stand at a distance or helicopter around us. God’s desire is to show you how deeply He knows you, and how much He loves you.

In the Book of Jeremiah, God tells the people, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (31:3) These words can only be spoken by someone truly invested in the kind of love free of the fear that seeks deep intimacy. And in the purest way, only God can offer what we are missing. By teaching us what it means to be close to one another by being close to Him.

The post Commentary: Fear of intimacy in our culture first appeared on SJO Daily.

I love people and good coffee, so I generally spend four to five hours a week working from a local coffee shop. Inevitably at some point in my time there someone will approach me and ask, “When is Jesus is coming back?” While I enjoy questions, the answer I have is really shorter than most would like because I have to admit, I just don’t know.

Jesus Himself says the same in Mark 13:32, “But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.” From Jesus’ own mouth I want to emphasize to you that if anyone says that they know when He is returning, that person is wrong.

Now, even though I don’t know when Jesus is coming back, what I can say without hesitation is that His return is near. And by “near,” I mean what the bible says, which is that His coming is imminent, unknown.

Hebrews 1:1-2 says, “Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son.” The coming of Jesus Christ, His life, death, resurrection and ascension has ushered in the final season of the world; the last days, and his second coming is the next major step in history.

Jesus return began at His ascension, and it is nearer today than it was yesterday. That is what Paul, James, Peter and the writer of the Book of Hebrews believed, and what the faithful church has lived out for the last two thousand years. So while we don’t know the “when”, the Bible does promise that it will happen, and gives us some insight as to what it will look like around us.

Paul writing to his protege’ Timothy says, “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.” (2 Timothy 3:1)

He says, “Don’t be surprised that life is tough; these are the last days, remember?” The future is not some time far off; it is here, now. I think we can agree that we are living in increasingly difficult days. Why? Because these are the last days.

Paul continues, “For people will be lovers of self” (2 Timothy 3:2).

The Greek word for love, in “lovers of self”, is “philos”, which is the kind of love that comes from our emotions. Basically, it is what we experience when we are attracted to someone. Lovers of self are drawn to who? Themselves.

Studies are now showing what many of you may have suspected, and the Bible already knew, that we are living in an increasingly narcissistic (lovers of self) society? Narcissistic personality traits have risen faster than any other statistic, and are found most often in our online lives.

This should not be a shock as we live in a world where people routinely sit across dinner tables, in the same room, and on dates checking in on social media rather than having face-to-face conversations.

If we scan the top downloads on the Apple App store and the Google Play Store would we be shocked to find that they are Facebook (4.1 billion downloads), Instagram (1.8 billion downloads), Twitter  (834 million downloads), Snapchat (753 million downloads) and Youtube (644 million downloads)?

Why is this relevant? Because studies are finding that people who score higher on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire (let’s call that the lovers of self-assessment) tend to spend more time on social media, tag themselves more often in photos, and update their social media feed more often.

Think about how much time is spent putting together, updating, and checking in on a page that is curated and dedicated to what we are doing, eating, wearing, thinking and who we are hanging out with.

I think there are a few real problems with this…

First, if we are honest, we don’t need to be encouraged to love ourselves. We naturally struggle with being too focused on ourselves (loving self). Paul says in Romans 12:3 “Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” We must see ourselves as we really are.

Second, and this is important. The love of self eliminates any real concern for other people. It also sucks the life out of meaningful relationships, because ultimately everyone and everything else becomes expendable. It was the first sin of the universe when Adam and Eve chose themselves over God.

Third, is that so much of it is fake. People post perfect photos of perfect moments rather than the real us in our real moments. When was the last time you tagged yourself in a photo titled “just being a jerk and fighting with my wife”? And I am not saying you should do this, it is just an illustration. The lives we live on social media are not real. It is at the very least heavily edited, but in reality, very fake.

This is really quite important because that means that the selves we are loving aren’t the real us. Pause and take that in. The self that we are loving isn’t even the real us. The “lovers of self” we have become is not even lovers of the true self, but the lovers of some self-created self.

And that breaks my heart, because the Bible says that you were wonderfully and beautifully made by God. And in trying to create a better you, what you are really saying is that you can do it better than God did.

It reminds me of what the founder of Hobby Lobby, David Green, said, “The trouble with some self-made men (and women) is that oftentimes they end up worshiping their creator.”

Paul goes on to say to Timothy, they will be “proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. (2 Timothy 3:2-5)

I was thinking as I was writing this, where do I tend to find these kinds of people most often? You find them on social media. Isn’t it crazy that the people we are told to avoid are found in the most popular spaces in peoples lives, on social media?

This past week, I was reading psychology journals, both Christian and secular in preparation, and I began to see a trend. Testimony after testimony, and study after study showed that when people live their lives largely on social media they have a much greater chance of having the character traits that Paul warns Timothy about.

John Calvin notes while discussing 2 Timothy 3 that, “the lovers of themselves, which comes first, can be regarded as the source from which all the other traits spring forth.” The love of self is where it all starts.

The moment we place love of self over everything else both divine and human relationships are diminished, obedience to God and love of others becomes impossible, because you live for the benefit of yourself and not others.

Tom Hanks was once asked if actors had any traits which set them apart from other human beings. “Without a doubt,” he replied. “You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves.”

Amazingly, studies also show that when people lessen social media use or leave it altogether, they no longer constantly seek validation of others, they focus more on doing meaningful and important things, they start to communicate in ways that lift up others, and they become more aware of the people around them.

One last thing that I want to address, and this is to the church whom I love and have given my life to… 

Paul tells Timothy to be watchful of “having an appearance of godliness”. Which means trying to look like we are devoted to God, but our actions speak otherwise.

It means that while our social media profiles say that we are Christians, the followers of Jesus Christ, we also spend a considerable amount of time posting hateful, antagonistic, arrogant and unloving things to those who don’t agree or believe what we believe.

That brings us back to the original problem, that we love ourselves and what we have to say so much that we don’t care who we hurt in saying it.

And our online lives look far more like the list Paul says to avoid, than the people Jesus says to follow.

In John 13:35 Jesus Himself says, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

We can post all the Bible memes, Bible verses, and encouraging quotes from prominent pastors we want, but if we aren’t loving one another, the world won’t know we are Jesus’ followers.

I know that what I am saying isn’t a real popular message, but I think it needs to be said because as the church we can and are called to do better. We are called to shed the love of self so that we can love others like Jesus Himself loved us.

The post Commentary: Lovers of Self and the Last Days first appeared on SJO Daily.

I don’t know if you have noticed, but things around us are feeling awfully divided lately. This person believes this thing, that group believes that thing. It seems like every day there is more and more to drive us apart rather than bring us together.

And every crevice and corner we see increasing hatred, bitterness, and division. Lines are being drawn by groups and tribes, gathering together around issues rather than people, seems to be trumping unity.

Now, it’s not like there isn’t a lot to be angry about. The world seems like a powder keg for anger. Watching the news or reading the paper these days feels like walking across a floor filled with my son’s legos screaming, ”YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”

I am not going to go for easy applause by naming the things that make us angry and bitter. You already know the issues that cause you to become angry and say, “those people!”, and then to rally around “Your people” – those who embrace and agree with whatever you are angry about.

And then we have more anger, more bitterness, and more division. And in doing so move farther from the unity. Each one of us is complicit in either a move towards unity or one towards division.

As with all things, the Bible isn’t silent on this. Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” But how can we possibly live peaceably with all when we’re all so angry? We will get to that…

Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”

But wait, Jason, the Bible just said that I do get to “be angry,”

Yes, it did, but that isn’t all that it says.

The Bible says, “be angry” because we all have these emotions and to deny these emotions denies what it means to be human, and the Bible never denies our humanity. We all get angry. But it doesn’t leave us there. It wants to tell us what to do with that anger.

First, it tells us not to sin.

What is sin? Well, we teach our AWANA Clubs kids that sin is: Anything that we think, say, or do that disobeys God. What did God tell us to do that sin would lead us to disobey?

In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus is asked what the most important thing is, and He says: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” The most important thing is to love God and to love others.

Often when we talk about sin we think about stealing, murder, infidelity, immorality; all most heinous examples. But the sins the Bible is leading us towards are the ones we seem to find ourselves practicing most often.

Ephesians 5:4 says, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place”, and Ephesians 5:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths.”

The Bible gives us a warning not to let our anger and bitterness degenerate into sin; things like filthiness, foolish talk, crude joking, and corrupting talk that would come out of our mouths. In our modern context, I might want to add, and out of our keyboards and onto social media.

There are commands on how we express our anger and there is also a strict time limit. You do get to be angry because you are human, but you don’t get to stay angry. The Bible says “And don’t sin by letting anger control you and Don’t go to bed angry” (Ephesians 4:26).

When we harbor anger and bitterness in our heart, we do the work of division, by sowing discord. If God’s mercies are indeed new every day, and the Bible says they are, then why would we carry our anger, bitterness, and resentment into each day in ever increasing amounts?

But what do we do about injustice? Because injustice makes us angry.

This is so important, but we need to acknowledge what has subtly happened. That as we have addressed injustice, and the things that make us angry, we have become experts at getting others angry with us.

The problem is that if our motivation for justice is anger and bitterness, if and when we get justice we will still be left with anger and bitterness. And this is incompatible with the life that we are called to live together.

Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Conversely, and imagine this, if our motivation is love then when we get justice we are left with love. We are not left angry, divided and bitter, but united in something greater: in love.

A few weeks ago I had an opportunity to travel to Atlanta, Georgia to the Zacharias Center. There I had the opportunity to meet Reverend Justice Okoronkwo and Pastor Hassan John from Jos, in northern Nigeria. There Hassan John told a story…

“My church had been repeatedly attacked by local factions from the terrorist group of Boko Haram. We had been bombed, shot at, some members killed, and even I have a $700 bounty on his head.”

“Finally I reached my breaking point. I was beside myself, did not know what to do with my anger. So I called a man of the church and told him that I needed to get an AK-47. If Boko Haram had the AK-47, then I needed one to protect my church! The man told me he could get one, but that it would cost roughly $1,000. With scarce extra money, I struggled with how to get the money.” 

“A few days later I was sitting outside the church thinking again about the AK-47, when I saw a little Muslim girl selling peanuts. I called to her and asked, “Daughter, why are you not in school?” The girl responded, “My mother is unable to pay the fees for school.” 

“I asked her where her mother was, and the girl motioned to me and started off for her home as I followed. But as she entered the Muslim section of the village, I being a Christian, started to become very fearful and concerned. Things became more tense as the local Imam, suspect of my presence in the village, approached us.” 

“I told the Imam that I wanted to speak to this girl’s mother to find out why she was not in school. The Imam agreed but continued to follow us as we went to her home. Once there, her mother confirmed to me that indeed their family along with many other Muslim families in the village were unable to pay the fees for school. Without thinking much, I committed to pay the fees for the girl to attend school. First her, then others and now currently over a hundred. 

“Sometime later, our church was gathered to worship, when suddenly there was a commotion outside. A man burst through the doors yelling that we were going to be attacked. I ran out the doors and there I saw that same Imam that had followed us into the village, holding down the young man who was coming to attack the church.” 

“I was confused, and after they took the youth away, the Imam approached me and said, “Hassan, because of the kindness that you showed our women and children no harm will come to your church.”

“With tears in my  eyes I realized that in my anger and bitterness I wanted an AK-47, but in that moment I realized that I had a far greater power to combat evil and injustice – Love.”

The problem with getting angry for one another is that it hinders our ability to love one another. And when we stop loving one another, we stop building one another up, and then we stop living for one another.

I think it’s always a good day when you can end with the Beatles…

“All you need is love” – Love is the answer.

The post Commentary: Anger, Bitterness and Love first appeared on SJO Daily.